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Advent Calendar 2009: December 12th – For Your Convenience December 11, 2009

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Ryanair annoyed me twice yesterday.

Well, to be honest, they annoy me infinitely all the time. They take pride in being pricks – the BNP school of self-congratulation. They have the temerity to call themselves an airline yet insist on making it difficult for you to travel by restricting the possibility of you bringing any luggage larger than a small sponge bag. They have removed the pouches on the backs of the chairs in their planes – AS IF THEY WERE TAKING UP ANY BLOODY SPACE IN THE FIRST PLACE! – making it incredibly difficult to store your book / iPod / water bottle.

Their colour scheme is second only to EasyJet for vomit-and-epilepsy-inducing repulsiveness. Their air-stewards call their magazine an “in-flight” – as in “Care for an in-flight, sir? Anyone for an in-flight?” – which is a) suggestive of something far more exciting than a poorly-edited magazine with less interesting and appealing content than the interior of the average 6 month old’s nappy, and b) STUPID! BECAUSE THEN YOU COULD BE CALLING THE MEAL AN “IN-FLIGHT”, OR THE SCRATCH-CARDS “IN-FLIGHTS”, IT’S AN ADJECTIVE, NOT A NOUN, AND A MISLEADING ONE AT THAT, OR ARE WE ONLY ALLOWED READ IT WHILE FLYING!?

Ahem.

But yesterday two things happened which especially annoyed me. Firstly, they played their stupid fanfare on a flight back to Dublin from Stansted. For those who have yet to be aurally assaulted by it, this is a flourish of midi-brass followed by an announcement which lets you know that you have “arrived on yet another on-time Ryanair flight”. Well, congratu-fucking-lations guys, but isn’t that what you’re supposed to do anyway? I don’t hear bus-drivers blowing trumpets and telling me I’ve been successfully delivered to Stillorgan when I wanted to be, or train-drivers letting off party-poppers in celebration of not being held up in Portarlington.

And, for the record, we can’t possibly have been on time if we left half an hour late (as was the case on another occasion when this blast was played) AND it’s hardly on-time if you make your Estimated Arrival Time 20 minutes after what the ACTUAL arrival time would be were you to leave at the ACTUAL departure time! Aside from all of this, it just sounds so tacky and irritating. Not to mention the fact that it cost money to record the damn thing and install it on the planes – I’d rather you’d kept your money in your pocket, Michael O’Leary, and let me have my chair-pouch back please.

Secondly, the doors of the plane were opened to the following announcement: “Ladies and gentlemen, for your convenience, you may now disembark the plane via the front doors only”.

For our convenience? FOR OUR CONVENIENCE?! For our convenience, we are allowed leave?! Are you saying we should be grateful for your compassion in not charging us to use your doors? Should we be praising your benevolence in releasing us from these metallic prisons you call aeroplanes? We don’t hear ”Dear Shoppers, you will be happy to know that Tesco have not only supplied you with our regular range of groceries but we have also installed doors in the shop FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE!” or “Dear Cinema-Goers, Cineworld have now made oxygen available in ALL our cinemas FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE!” And, in a plane with two doors, what exactly is convenient about only opening the front doors…?

As you can see, Ryanair have really filled me with Christmas cheer.

Advent Calendar 2009: December 11th – Tiger Tiger, Burning Bright… December 10, 2009

Posted by bazmcstay in Advent, Golf.
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Firstly, I hope you enjoyed the burst of poetry – I had some lovely comments and I appreciate any feedback on anything and everything I write. I do apologise for the formatting issues in the posts, they are as puzzling to me as I’m sure they were to you, so please just go with it! Now, back to blogging and a post I’m sure some of you have been waiting for!

Tiger Woods is not someone who has courted celebrity in quite the same fashion as some of his sporting peers. The great party boys of football like Best and Gascoine have successors of a flasher variety in the likes of Ronaldo and Ibrahimovic; rugby has the perma-tanned, bodily-waxed pin-ups such as Henson and Cipriani; tennis and Formula One have built up a champagne circus around their various Grand Slams, Grand Prix and Grand Whatever-You’re-Having-Yourselves.

 Even golfers are prone to the occasional self-congratulatory photoshoot or preening centre-spreads – think Ian Poulter or Camillo Villegas and you get a very clear picture of what a top golfer can achieve if he desires celebrity sex-appeal. So you can imagine the potential which Tiger Woods – the greatest, the billion dollar man, the handsome, toned athlete with the flashing smile, rippling muscles and powerful stare – possesses to become the ultimate sporting poster boy.

 And yet, he has eschewed this. An intensely private man who very rarely talks about activities beyond the course and keeps his family life behind closed doors, he lives in a gated community in Isleworth, Florida. His circle of friends has a very short circumference – he famously sacked caddy Fluff Cowen when the bagman gave one interview too many for his boss’s liking. Similarly, it is rumoured that he dropped Butch Harmon as coach when the man who built his swing became too much of an independent pundit for Woods’ liking. His interviews are few and far between, he is stony-faced purpose on the course and lives anonymously off it.

 Until two weeks ago.

 They seemed the perfect couple. The blond Scandinavian beauty of Elin Nordgeren, Swedish au pair and model, offset the dark, almost exotic appeal of Tiger Woods, the world’s finest golfer. They had two children, kept themselves to themselves, holidayed on a yacht called “Solitude” and seemed the model of a contented new American family – the finest serving drawn from the melting pot of the world.

 The details of what transpired on Friday 27th of November will probably never be fully known. There are too many troubling issues to give reason to trust the Woods’ family’s story: the voicemail which emerged this week, left a couple of days before the crash; the broken back window – Elin said she broke it to rescue her husband, a puzzling confession given he was in the driver’s seat; the fact that, at 2:30am, Tiger Woods decided to go for a drive yet could only make it 50 yards down a road he has travelled hundreds of times; the three refusals to meet with and talk to police; the almost overly-keen denial of domestic violence; those “transgressions” which Woods spoke about in his 3rd statement released on his website.

 How is one supposed to feel about all of this? Compared to other love-rats and tabloid-hoggers, Tiger Woods has, until now, given no reason for the press to intrude in his life beyond being the greatest golfer in the world. As someone remarked to me, who cares about what he does in his private life, his public life is what he does on the golf course – he just happens to be a cheater who is very good at golf. His private nature certainly does make one feel for him – he must hate this, the lack of control, the inability to plot his way out of trouble, to take his medicine and put the ball back in play.

 But one can’t also help but think that the private life becomes public once you are chased down the road by your wife at 2:30am on a Friday night. One can’t help but feel that the man hailed as the greatest golfer of our time, the man put forward as the figurehead in a sport where its code of fair play is extolled as an example to every other game played and indeed, every walk of life, the man whose sponsorship livelihood certainly depends in no small part on his clean-cut image, the man who is a father of two young children and an idol to millions – one can’t help but feel that he has a certain responsibility to behave ever so slightly better than this.

No one is perfect, as Tiger said and as I’ll freely admit. I won’t sit on a pedestal and spout maxims and mottoes and well-worn platitudes about being faithful and “having and holding” and everything which everyone – including Tiger – already knows. To be honest, one has to feel – as one does in most of these stories – like turning ones back and letting husband and wife sort it out behind closed doors, without camera bulbs flashing whenever they leave their house or journalists baying for photos of the “poor, suffering children”.

But the world will watch with morbid fascination – there has always been, since the first stories were ever told, more interest in the fall of a hero than his rise. The children may end up living between two houses. The parents may end up never speaking again. The golfer may fail to recapture the genius which bewitched us for a decade. And one just can’t help wishing that this was all a horrible dream and that Tiger was just popping out for some milk on that fateful Friday night.

Advent Calendar 2009: December 10th – Love Letter December 3, 2009

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I sometimes worry that this may be the best poem I’ve written and one I’ll not surpass. It’s very passionate, slightly tortured by a love beyond reach, a love so simple that a mere sneeze is “embarrassingly gorgeous”. The idea of unrequited love, “just out of reach” is one well expounded throughout poetry everywhere and this is just a submission of mine to the great list of love poems. The pain of the experience turns wistful as the poem ends, finding a simple moment almost unbearably beautiful. Rather than an accompanying poem, I have added my favourite quote from poetry. It is from “Mayfly” by Louis MacNeice. The mayfly, which only lives for 18 hours, must live a lifetime in that short space of time. The qoute illustrates the zest for life which we should all emulate. Thanks for reading these poetic entries, normal service will shortly resume.

Love Letter

 the curious whiplash of love
          rips red stripes
          from my hide
 
I bleed chalices for her
          when she touches
          my arm, brushes
the crumbs from her lips
          and then smiles
          or when time
mercifully allows just one more
          sentence between us
          before we rush
apart, and as she slips  
          away, I feel
          my soul weep
 
a strange, one-sided affair
          as I fake
          joy, inside aching
to turn hug into caress
          turn her cheek
          and kiss really
weave fantasies in her hair
          where shadows fly
          above tiger eyes
 and thread to her dress
          streams of foolish
          love letter looks
 
embarrassingly gorgeous
          when she sneezes
          into her sleeve

- 8th June 2007

What of time they have
They stretch out taut and thin and ringing clear;
So we, whose strand of life is not much more,
Let us too make our time elastic and
Inconsequently dance above the dazzling wave.

-“Mayfly”, Louis MacNeice

Advent Calendar 2009: December 9th – Docklands December 3, 2009

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I suppose this creates a bit of an urban wasteland scene,an early-morning walk along the docks. I suppose it’s the country boy in me that has the love-hate relationship with the city. Sometimes I love it, the warm sunny days, the mild nights and magical city lights; sometimes I hate it, the greyness or the violent colours, the dirt, the sex and lies and fakeness and manufacturedness and heavy unreality, the semi-dead life it leads and leads us into. All poetry is a vague and vain attempt to, as Adam Zagajewski says, “Praise the mutilated world” and those within it. This is what I try with all poems, and this, despite its depressed nature, is no exception. The accompanying poem is “Try To Praise The Mutilated World” by Adam Zagajewski, translated by Renata Gorczynski.

Docklands

The city wakes long before he sleeps,
roused by the whir and drone of buses
and an alarm-clock fanfare of foghorns.
Cranky gulls croak their objections
and mongrels whine for ten minutes more.
No river views from this ivory tower block,
just dog turds on the grey balcony,
brooding cranes, hulking over mucky sites
and warehouse roofs like rusty metal patchwork.
These flat-pack, pop-up high-rises
balance like b-movie scenery,
stretch and strain, try to outreach each other,
sucking at nothing, sucking in everything.
Nothing like such hollow grand designs,
pits and skeletons, roads, works-in-progress.
All’s pulled taut tight, a world through cling-film,
pushed and pulled by plastic legacies,
blinding hi-viz vests and orange traffic cones.
In the cotton-wool, mournful morning,
the river doesn’t flow. It cuts and stains.
Suits and coffees float past, heading out to sea.

- 24th February 2009

Try To Praise The Mutilated World - by Adam Zagajewski, Translated by Renata Gorczynski

Try to praise the mutilated world.
Remember June’s long days,
and wild strawberries, drops of wine, the dew.
The nettles that methodically overgrow
the abandoned homesteads of exiles.
You must praise the mutilated world.
You watched the stylish yachts and ships;
one of them had a long trip ahead of it,
while salty oblivion awaited others.
You’ve seen the refugees heading nowhere,
you’ve heard the executioners sing joyfully.
You should praise the mutilated world.
Remember the moments when we were together
in a white room and the curtain fluttered.
Return in thought to the concert where music flared.
You gathered acorns in the park in autumn
and leaves eddied over the earth’s scars.
Praise the mutilated world
and the grey feather a thrush lost,
and the gentle light that strays and vanishes
and returns. 

Advent Calendar 2009: December 8th – Rainfall, Mount Street, 21st February 2007 December 3, 2009

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This poem is about how the most beautiful moments can ambush us and affirm us when we least expect it. The interaction of water in light, the musical quality of rain springing off leaves and pavements, the primitive feeling of being caught in a downpour – those factors combined struck me one evening walking home. Beauty can come in so many different forms and when they do, it does make you think that everything is going to be ok. The accompanying poem is “Everything Is Going To Be All Right” by Derek Mahon.

Rainfall, Mount Street, 21st February 2007

Anoint me with down-drip-droppy
Ringing rain!
Humming a tune, the water whistles and sings
On my jacket and the pavement.
An electric field of orange-white firefly flecks
Flock around the streetlamps.
Crossing Mount Street Bridge, the lock brims full
And flashes with foam.
Scrags of oily hair dampen and cling for life
To my sopping, bare head
As the twilight heavens pour down a riverfull of raindrops
And drench me.  
God, you always pick the best moments,
Don’t you?

- 21st February 2007

Everything Is Going To Be All Right – by Derek Mahon

How should I not be glad to contemplate
the clouds clearing beyond the dormer window
and a high tide reflected on the ceiling?
There will be dying, there will be dying,
but there is no need to go into that.
The poems flow from the hand unbidden
and the hidden source is the watchful heart.
The sun rises in spite of everything
and the far cities are beautiful and bright.
I lie here in a riot of sunlight
watching the day break and the clouds flying.
Everything is going to be all right.

Advent Calendar 2009: December 7th – Death December 3, 2009

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Something I admire so much in the likes of Heaney is the conversion of personal experiences as a child into a meaningul, profound meditation on a greater subject. Childhood ends in that moment when you realise death exists. I hope the cinematic nature of the poem works and that it manages to zoom out and in effectively. That one word death reminds itself to us so often, and I wanted to know where it first announced itself. I think I make it really work, for once, in this poem. The accompanying poem is “Blackberry-Picking” by Séamus Heaney.

 Death

when the cat killed rabbits,
slit them from bobtail to brow,
mum scooped them onto a coal shovel
and catapulted them onto the compost heap.
 
once upon a time though,
bunny is still busy breathing,
too scared to stop, flopped on the carpet,
wanting out of Mister McGregor’s garden.
 
the front door open,
a morose evening breeze,
dripping with the last of daylight,
crawls into the house and sets the scene
 
with creepy cinematics:
hacking crows stagger and perch,
the sun is trampled by horse chestnuts,
the lawn drowns in piranhic midge swarms.
 
trapped in celluloid,
popcorn-muncher and actor,
a wide-eyed boy, brown hair etc.,
watches himself discover the murder scene
 
uncensored, un-PG.
he stares unsurely rudely,
big blues trying to patch over
the unsightly tear in bunny’s fur coat,
 
focused on its own
rolling tiger’s eye beads,
scattered across the sunny porch,
runaway marbles knocked ringing away.
 
he hunkers down,
strokes the sinking head
as he would that damn cat daily
in return for grins and capricious purrs.
 
no magic springs
from that fat index finger –
what did he think it might do?
what was the alternative remedy?
 
eyes die open,
bunny breath exhausts,
limp, lost to the next touch –
the boy knows that this is the first time.
 
now a pause
see this pathetic pieta
in June’s garden of Golgotha
carved in falling dew and violet dusk.
 
snap out of it
into the obvious action:
a garden trowel digs the grave,
a sycamore twig is the headstone.
 
no onion sobs
for bunny as he slides
from the coal shovel underground,
- no place like home – a motherless child,
 
paws under his head,
foetal, sleeping, really sleeping –
not like some tv princess or knight –
daring you to drop the soil across him.
 
seemed a good idea
but really, only messy –
what if he wakes, screams
the criss-crossed blackbird to the boy
 
he stands firm,
chief mourner crying
meaningful tears by the flowerbed
planted with lily, bamboo and sycamore twig.
 
that twig rotted,
mulch to the earth it stabbed,
bleeding into these future screenshots
where the boy inhabits late nights and remembers:
 
street-lamps pissing rain
or woollen early grey light
simplify memories such as this
into one word and that word is death.

- 16th May 2009

Blackberry-Picking – by Séamus Heaney

Late August, given heavy rain and sun
For a full week, the blackberries would ripen.
At first, just one, a glossy purple clot
Among others, red, green, hard as a knot.
You ate that first one and its flesh was sweet
Like thickened wine: summer’s blood was in it
Leaving stains upon the tongue and lust for
Picking. Then red ones inked up and that hunger
Sent us out with milk cans, pea tins, jam-pots
Where briars scratched and wet grass bleached our boots.
Round hayfields, cornfields and potato-drills
We trekked and picked until the cans were full,
Until the tinkling bottom had been covered
With green ones, and on top big dark blobs burned
Like a plate of eyes. Our hands were peppered
With thorn pricks, our palms sticky as Bluebeard’s.

We hoarded the fresh berries in the byre.
But when the bath was filled we found a fur,
A rat-grey fungus, glutting on our cache.
The juice was stinking too. Once off the bush
The fruit fermented, the sweet flesh would turn sour.
I always felt like crying. It wasn’t fair
That all the lovely canfuls smelt of rot.
Each year I hoped they’d keep, knew they would not. 

Advent Calendar 2009: December 6th – Huntsman December 3, 2009

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There is a bit of a structure to this poem, which I hope builds, through the language and rhythm to the frenzy the poem ends up in. The huntsman is an animalistic figure, strong and confident, full of cash and bloodthirst. These are the people who go out and pick up girls (“birds”) and satisfy a lust for sex with such ease. It’s almost ritualistic, like some sort of pagan orgy and that notion of sex-meets-violence is something I enjoy using now and again. The hedonism of the poem reminds me a little of the sizzling, sexual language in Kubla Khan which creates a “savage place” full of life and lust. The accompanying poem, therefore, is “Kubla Khan” by Samuel Taylor Coleridge.

Huntsman

Huntsman, you bastard,
you stalk my prey
and prayers
on wild nights, wild nights
spent frivolous and free.
Sink coins
down new-sunken wells,
toss and backflip
and wet.
Draw rich bucketfuls
and drink your fill
to piss
it right back up and mark
this unfound territory
of beasts.
Lurch, splash and track
your readymade targets
in sound
and overbearing heat,
slash through leaves
of stars
and take your pick,
and aim and shoot
and kill.
The fresh carcass slumps,
leaks slick puddles
of life.
Your zinc smile sparks,
slits this nightdress
of dark
and pounding winds
and rips the clouds
in two.
Riot in blood and gusts
with loud cries
of lust,
and push and shove
and broken colour
and glass,
and reap and repent and restart,
break bones, eat, swallow
and burst.

- 28th May 2009

Kubla Khanby Samuel Taylor Coleridge

In Xanadu did Kubla Khan
A stately pleasure-dome decree :
Where Alph, the sacred river, ran
Through caverns measureless to man
Down to a sunless sea.
So twice five miles of fertile ground
With walls and towers were girdled round :
And there were gardens bright with sinuous rills,
Where blossomed many an incense-bearing tree ;
And here were forests ancient as the hills,
Enfolding sunny spots of greenery.
But oh ! that deep romantic chasm which slanted
Down the green hill athwart a cedarn cover !
A savage place ! as holy and enchanted
As e’er beneath a waning moon was haunted
By woman wailing for her demon-lover !
And from this chasm, with ceaseless turmoil seething,
As if this earth in fast thick pants were breathing,
A mighty fountain momently was forced :
Amid whose swift half-intermitted burst
Huge fragments vaulted like rebounding hail,
Or chaffy grain beneath the thresher’s flail :
And ‘mid these dancing rocks at once and ever
It flung up momently the sacred river.
Five miles meandering with a mazy motion
Through wood and dale the sacred river ran,
Then reached the caverns measureless to man,
And sank in tumult to a lifeless ocean :
And ‘mid this tumult Kubla heard from far
Ancestral voices prophesying war !
The shadow of the dome of pleasure
Floated midway on the waves ;
Where was heard the mingled measure
From the fountain and the caves.
It was a miracle of rare device,
A sunny pleasure-dome with caves of ice !
 A damsel with a dulcimer
In a vision once I saw :
It was an Abyssinian maid,
And on her dulcimer she played,
Singing of Mount Abora.
Could I revive within me
Her symphony and song,
To such a deep delight ‘twould win me,
That with music loud and long,
I would build that dome in air,
That sunny dome ! those caves of ice !
And all who heard should see them there,
And all should cry, Beware ! Beware !
His flashing eyes, his floating hair !
Weave a circle round him thrice,
And close your eyes with holy dread,
For he on honey-dew hath fed,
And drunk the milk of Paradise.

Advent Calendar 2009: December 5th – December 3, 2009

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Constructed around the basic foundation of our interactivity with the world – the five senses - this poem is really about how the poet senses the world. The eye is placed first in all these section, and gets the final say too – the poet doesn’t live the life through the lens, but acts as the lense himself. Archibald McLeish says “A poem should be equal to / Not true…A poem should not mean / but be” – it’s reveals nothing more than its own creation itself and this poem is about appreciating both the gift of the world, and the gift of poetry and the world it creates. The accompanying poem is “Ars Poetica” by Archibald MacLeish.

Common Sense

Give thanks for your life which is more
than that which amiably meets
the eye,
than the not-too-tight, not-too-limp
handshake,
than a little half full glass of frothy
mouthfuls,
than mere buzzwords, cliché or simple
hearsay,
than the mask of dress-sense, make-up,
perfume,
a life lived
not brilliantly
but beautifully
with wide eyes,
not tarnished
but touched
by depression,
not tasteful
but toasted
for its freckles,
not plagued
but placated
by plagal cadence,
not sowing
but smelling
the roses.
Look through broken glass. 
Feel rain soak jeans.
Eat too many cookies.
Hear familiar words wrong.
Smell burning and laugh.
Give thanks for your life lived
not through
but as the lens.

- 28th January 2009

Ars Poetica – Archibald MacLeish

A poem should be palpable and mute
As a globed fruit,

Dumb
As old medallions to the thumb,

Silent as the sleeve-worn stone
Of casement ledges where the moss has grown –

A poem should be wordless
As the flight of birds.

                    *

A poem should be motionless in time
As the moon climbs,

Leaving, as the moon releases
Twig by twig the night-entangled trees,

Leaving, as the moon behind the winter leaves,
Memory by memory the mind –

A poem should be motionless in time
As the moon climbs.

                    *

A poem should be equal to
Not true.

For all the history of grief
An empty doorway and a maple leaf.

For love
The leaning grasses and two lights above the sea –

A poem should not mean
But be.

Advent Calendar 2009: December 4th – Why I Write December 3, 2009

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The next 6 days I will be out of the country and travelling a bit so writing expansive posts may be difficult. So, I have decided I will post six poems of mine each day along with a paragraph or two about the poem and my poetic life and outlook. I will also include in each post one of my favourite poems by a different poet. Hopefully you will enjoy these poems and they may give you an insight into me and a different side of my written life. Firstly though, today’s post will be a general treatise about Why I Write.

I’ve been trying to figure out exactly what it is that keeps me coming back to write poetry. Tonight I think I may have hit on something. It’s interesting for me to examine the progression of my poetic style and subject matter as the past three or four years have gone by. What started out as tentative and somewhat juvenile attempts at a difficult artform have gradually matured as I have developed an understanding of the intricacies of poetic composition. Occasionally I have stumbled on a decent poem; occasionally I still mess things up completely; no one is perfect.

But I have become fascinated by the increasingly insular nature of that which I write; gradually my poetry has focused in on my self. Of course I wrote about myself in the early days too – all poets do! However, I am discovering a larger force of my emotions coming through my writing; I am more visible, audible, tangible in the words I string together. This seems to indicate to me that as I write more poems, I become more aware of and more acquainted with myself; I delve farther into myself and I allow myself to reveal more of my interior.

Not only that, but I also believe that the reason I continue writing and feel such a fervour (desperation?) to do so is because I am not yet satisfied that I have encapsulated my emotions adequately in words: I have not demonstrated my anger and frustration – those two words alone simply cannot embody the whole of their signified; I have not yet captured my sadness and happiness – the gulf of feeling between those two experiences is infinite beyond words; I have not yet conveyed my cynicism and adoration – those deserving of such attitudes have not yet felt their full poetic emphasis.

Poetry is an extraordinary thing: I can feel very pleased with a composition one day and completely despise it the next. There is always that feeling of imperfection hanging over the poetry I write – I pour out these words which never fully frame that untouchable frame of mind I am in. No one writes perfect poetry, I have already said as much, and it is because of this that I am always engaged by the poetic.

Maybe one day I will be able to say “Yes, this is perfect. This puts exactly into words the exact emotions, the exact sensation, the exact concept I want to write.” If the day comes when I can be sure that the reader, through reading my poetry, will undergo the precise experience I actually want them to undergo, then perhaps I will stop. Probably not, because I am almost certain that that day will not arrive. But I think it is the possibility of that day which keeps me coming back for more.

Advent Calendar 2009: December 3rd – Love, Don’t Hate December 3, 2009

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NOTE: This entry is based on a response I posted on the Dailybooth site of a person who follows my bloggery. Dailybooth is a very simple site based on the notion that you post a photo of yourself every day which describes your feelings, encapsulates events in your life and so on. This guy had posted a picture of himself holding a sign with my username on it saying “Thanks” because I had subscribed to his Dailybooth. Which was lovely. Underneath this, someone had placed the following comment:

your face reads “i know i’m being a faggot, but girls will like me if i do this, so the risks outweigh the women”

you’re wrong though, sorry.

faggot

This practice is known as “hating” and is most well-known for its prevalence on Youtube, where viewers post streams of vitriol directed at Youtubers, at the subjects of their videos or at each other. The content of these posts range from the violent to the racist, the homophobic to xenophonic and everything in between. The thread on this particular Dailybooth continued for some 52 comments before I noticed, mainly between the offending poster and a couple of friends of the boy who had made the original photo post. The basic thrust of the “hater’s” “argument” as his posts demonstrated was that this guy had wasted his time being nice to people he hadn’t met, that he shouldn’t be pretending friendship with online acquaintances and that people like him (the nice ones) made him feel sick. Just a stellar guy, by the sound of his manifesto.

Anyway, I got very annoyed by such ignorance, aggression and downright bile being unnecessarily meted out on a guy who I don’t know personally but who Twitter and Dailybooth had brought into my circle of online contacts and who had been polite enough to bother to thank me for following his photo trail. So, I responded with a lengthy post which forms the basis of this entry. It is written as an address to this particular hater but could be generic to many more.

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I don’t know if you’ve seen any of these extremist Christian groups in America who picket funerals of soldiers, decrying homosexuality, saying that the US is living in sin and doomed, that the death of every soldier is a blessing and so on. What they do is irreproachable – not only do they harass people trying to live the life they’ve been given in whatever way they wish, but they also bring incredible pain to them in the process. Now, it’s a hyperbolic example, but what so-called “haters” on the internet are doing is similar.

I’m continually amazed and dismayed by people on the Internet who, rather than accepting that there are “alternative” people to how they think life should be lived, spend their time actually TELLING those people that they don’t like what they do. Is that very different to homophobes shouting abuse at gay people (and by the way, using the word faggot is simply childish and offensive)? I’m glad you’ve found something you care about so much and which merited your video response – certainly, if I ever find something on Dailybooth or Youtube or anywhere else that doesn’t amuse / inform / affirm me sufficiently in future, I won’t do as I’ve done in the past and simply ignore it but I’ll spend time responding to it in order to put down that person purely because I’m in a spiteful mood. Which begs the question: Which of us is the one wasting our time?

Oh, and where I come from, it isn’t exactly common practice to tell someone “I don’t like you”, especially if they’re someone you don’t know first-hand, which is essentially what you are doing. Some people think telling some in a brief message that they appreciate what they’ve done for them is enough; others, like this chap, think it is nicer still to draw them a sign, send them a card or even give them a present. Whatever interests someone has and whatever way they wish to express an emotion, be it gratitude or anything else, it isn’t for you to condemn that.

You could do worse than growing up a bit: You might not think social networking / making videos on Youtube or whatever is worthwhile. I make videos for fun, some people like them, they pass some time and that should not be an issue for you. You might like rugby – great, so do I, but if I didn’t, I wouldn’t stand at the side of the pitch calling you a tool, spanner, dickhead, wanker, etc. for doing something you enjoy. Whatever people do, be it soccer or stamp-collecting, acting or art, tae-kwon-do or tiddlywinks, each to their own – at this stage of your life buddy, and everyone else’s, you should accept people and whatever it is they want to do. This isn’t some school where everyone is trying to conform to one set of expectations, so get over it.

FINALLY, in response to your follow-up post: “all that concerned me is that you’re looking for acceptance from those who are going to fall short of giving you that connection; since most of all of them are here for superficial reasons, and aren’t going to fulfil you and your genuine compassion for people.”

You weren’t in the least bit concerned for this boy (people who are concerned don’t use the word “faggot”) and you also seem completely blind to the potential of the internet to imbue confidence, strike up relationships and expand horizons. You might think it’s daft that these communities exist (why you’re on Dailybooth in that case is a mystery to me) but others find them very useful professionally, artistically, emotionally and even personally – many people find long-time friends, even partners, make social connections which they could never possibly have or, and surely this is worthwhile, HAVE FUN.

And finally finally, if you’re going to criticise someone about something, A – do it to their face, not secretly through a computer screen, B – do it constructively rather than destructively, and C - concern yourself with something slightly more important than a photo or video which irks you on a harmless website. If the best use of YOUR time is to despise other people for their enjoyment of an unprecedented resource which has blessed our generation, if the way you spend your day is sowing discord in a vibrant, funny, creative and largely supportive community, if the only emotion you can raise in the face of a pleasantry directed between two COMPLETE STRANGERS is malice, then it might be time for some serious personal appraisal.

If someone wants to be nice, it is not your duty or anyone else’s to say “people shouldn’t be so nice”. It’s your duty to let them do whatever the hell they feel like unless that is something which is rude or upsetting. Like what you did. That’s why I am taking the time to post this. I’m not about to enter a debate with you because the reality is your position is indefensible and there is no debate to be had. You lost it at “faggot”.

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So, sorry if you were expecting jolly posts all Advent but this is a subject that I felt deserved some attention. It’s very easy to allow hate to prosper in the melée of the Internet. But we must attempt to stamp out that vice wherever it may be found. While we must certainly love one another as we would be loved and to treat one another as we would be treated, we also face a moral imperative to enforce those mantras to the best of our ability. We’re not all superheroes who can save the world; but we are all people who can spread a bit of love and put an end to hate.