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Advent Calendar 2009: December 19th – Have I Got News For You? December 18, 2009

Posted by bazmcstay in Advent, Latest News.
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My TV presenting course finishes tomorrow and part of the challenge for tomorrow’s last day is that we have to present three light-hearted news items á la “Have I Got News For You?” But without the autocue. Thus, I am memorising like mad. Here are the three pieces I have prepared:

Current Affairs:

The Irish government is proposing new legislation which would allow householders to use lethal force while defending their home from burglars and other intruders. The Justice Minister denied that the law was a “licence to kill”, adding “The name’s Ahern. Dermot Ahern.”

One man concerned about the new laws will surely be Santa Claus. No doubt he will be sporting a rather fetching red flak jacket this Christmas and will ditch the reindeer and sleigh in favour of an armoured car. However, in a statement from the North Pole, Mr Claus confirmed he would still be steering well clear of Limerick.

Entertainment:

Joe McElderry was celebrating last weekend after being crowned this year’s X-Factor winner, seeing off the challenge of future failed pop-star Olly Murs. It was a double-celebration for the 18-year old Joe as he was also named winner of the “Creepiest Smile Of The Year Competition” ahead of Cherie Blair and the Joker from Batman.

The final featured a great performance from one half of the greatest song-writing duo the world has ever seen, whose band’s music touched millions and who created an iconic image in the process, right down to their hair-styles. And Edward was there too.

Sport:

An interview with Tiger Woods, which was filmed 10 days before the crash which has turned his world upside down, was screened this week, in which he spoke of how family “always comes first” in his life. In the same interview he confessed to not spending “the amount of hours on the golf course, not like I used to” – well, he’ll be spending even LESS now, won’t he?

He also remarked that “whatever I have to do has to be done in a shorter amount of time” – speed, not stamina, eh Tiger! No wonder he was named Athlete Of The Decade in an Associated Press poll this week and, just yesterday, Player Of The Year: INSERT YOUR OWN JOKE HERE.

I’m not exactly going to be getting that script-writing gig anytime soon…

Advent Calendar 2009: December 2nd – Floods December 2, 2009

Posted by bazmcstay in Advent, Ireland, Latest News.
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Today I felt a little like the President visiting the scene of some disaster, touring the country and shaking my head in sympathy at the remains of people’s lives. Yes, I took the train from Kildare to Dublin.

Now, before any of you bite my head off or suggest I’m being harsh on the intervening landscape, I’d like to remind you all that there was massive flooding in Ireland during the past week. Roads were turned into raging torrents (including, without the faintest whiff of irony, River Street in Ballinasloe), cars were carried away, houses became aquaria and those people who make sandbags were the only ones smiling. One of the areas worst hit was a housing estate in Sallins – along the train line - called The Waterways (at least God has a sense of humour…). There, the water was so high it covered entire doorways and cars, lifting wheelie bins and scattering them to the four winds and leaving the place in a bit of a mess really.

It was slightly macabre of us, but as the train passed The Waterways, everyone in the carriage stood up to get a better glimpse of the carnage. There was rubbish everywhere, large pools still remained, cars were plonked in the middle of lawns – it was like the aftermath of a bomb. Farther along the line, entire fields were turned into lakes, bunkers on golf courses were now water-hazards and the sheep were so weighed down with water they couldn’t move – everyone knows wool is best hand-washed.

As is the case whenever floods strike, there were three particular pieces of news footage in plentiful supply throughout the week:

First, that of the annoying students in wet-suits who think it’s hilarious to body-board down the road in the wake of a council vehicle wading through the water; this is usually accompanied by the newsreader lightly saying “While the floods were certainly causing many people headaches, not EVERYONE seemed to mind.” No, but then the sort of people who body-board in the street are the sort who bleach their hair, wear shorts in the winter, buy roof racks for their VW Polos and pretend to be surfing experts when in reality the farthest they’ve ever surfed is to the nearest porn website on the ‘net.

Second, that of the prick with the canoe who is only too fucking delighted to bring it out from the shed and piss everyone else on the street off by rowing past them all as they stand stranded on their cars – he’s thinking “Ha! Not so stupid now, am I? They all said I was a tit for buying this on special offer out of Reader’s Digest. Well, look who’s the tit now!” To be honest sir, you’re still a tit. You have a canoe which you use only in the case of a natural disaster. That’s a bit like buying a spaceship in case the end of the world happens anytime soon.

And thirdly, there was the sight of news reporters in boots splish-splashing about in water up to their knees. What producer in their right mind says: “Look Mark, we’re just afraid the viewer won’t feel close enough to the action if you’re just on the EDGE of the flood. We’d like you to walk into the MIDDLE of it – it just ADDS something…” There must be a room in RTÉ just full of wellies for the news reporters. How would those eejits have dealt with the tsunami? “Mark, standing on top of that tall building isn’t doing it for us, could you borrow a surf-board from those bleach-blonde students with the Polo and actually deliver your report from atop the oncoming tidal wave?”

There is a serious point to all this, of course. It demonstrates that our planning process has failed us, that developers have time and again ignored traditional flood plains, that local councils have not adequately maintained our waterways and that the concretization of Ireland is beginning to have a major bearing on our natural drainage. That, or we just need one massive national tampon.

Britain’s Shame Is Mankind’s Shame June 10, 2009

Posted by bazmcstay in Human Nature, Latest News, Politics.
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The man in that video uttering those hateful words is Nick Griffin, leader of the British Nationalist Party. On Saturday night, he was elected as an MEP. I watched in absolute horror as he and another member of his racist band of violently right-wing bigots were given enough votes by the British public to go forward and represent that nation in the European Parliament. This vile creature has been given a legitimate political soapbox from which to speak for the next 5 years, his party’s profile and public funding will go through the roof and they will be in a position to spread their messages of evil to a wider audience.

These words I have used to describe Nick Griffin are the sort trotted out daily by The Sun and similar newspapers to describe every criminal that goes throught the justice system, but are as liberally applied to sports cheats. In the case of Nick Griffin, however, they are fully justified. It simply appals me to think that nearly 1million Britons voted for this man’s party and that people could listen to speeches like the one he made in the above video, like the ones he makes daily, and APPLAUD. There are those in Britain who AGREE with him, who voted for him, who think like him.

Now, the elections for Europe in Britain were, rather stupidly, mired in the MPs’ expenses scandal and proper European policy debate was lost in a welter of duck-houses and moats. The BNP ran a low-key campaign, reigning in some of their firebrands, keeping their message more akin to that of UKIP (another, slightly less hateful party) who spend most of their time complaining about those eternal scapegoats “European bureaucracy” and ” Faceless Brussels lawmakers”. They campaigned on petty local issues like potholes and bin collections. Devastatingly, people forgot that they were voting for a EUROPEAN candidate and, in the desire to vote against the major Westminster parties, far too many forgot the difference between a protest vote and voting for bigots and racists.

The rhetoric of Griffin’s speech above is chilling, with the resonating “THEY” used over and over again to describe black people, and a picture is painted of blacks as an under-race to be kept down. His condemnation of black brotherhood is awfully hypocritical given his essentialist view of Britain. He fires accusation after accusation at Barack Obama, couching them in “probably” to save himself from slander issues. He points to Obama’s “probable” anti-semitism and he has claimed not to be anti-semitic himself, despite his repeated denial of the Holocaust in the late 90s.

Nick Griffin has blamed “immigrants”, and especially the Muslim minorities, for causing Britain’s inner city drug problems. He sees gangland issues as black-centric, with black gangs attacking white people which lead to white gangs being formed to protect themselves. He sees no reason to institute anti-racist laws. He would close the borders of Britain to any migrants from Europe or farther afield and would “send home” all those who were not, in his eyes, “real Britons”. He preys on the poorer members of British society, blaming those of different colour skin or language for their plight, pulling them around the simplistic emblem of “BRITAIN”, something which they should protect from invaders.

It is scaremongering. It is the age-old tactic of the great dictators. Griffin has been dubbed “Fat Hitler” by some unflattering souls, but then again this is a man who is scarcely deserving of flattery. Some bemoan the fact that he has been given the oxygen of publicity – I’m not thrilled he has been given the oxygen of oxygen, truth be told, and those are words I would be loath to use of anyone. But those is a truly loathsome man. The horrifying thing is that there are those who support him. It made me cry to think of this as I watched this beaming lizard wave from his platform in Manchester.

In the same year as Barack Obama became President of the United States and it seemed that perhaps mankind had finally reached some sense of closure with its past differences, the BNP garnered 1million votes. 65 years after D-Day, when Europe seemed ready to unite under a banner of peace, 20 years after the Berlin Wall fell and borders were opened, now people seem more keen than ever to dismiss the European ideal and to turn inwards. Sure, it is a fairly natural reaction to be protective of ones heritage and no one in Ireland wants to hand away their Irishness, whatever that really is, but for people to fall time and again for worn-out words of bureaucracy, red-tape, faceless legislators, immigrants, THEY, it utterly depresses me.

We live in a time of supposed open-mindedness and open-heartedness. We should embrace difference, share our culture as we cling to it and sample other cultures as they sample ours. Our modern world is a melting-pot, full of what Gerard Manley Hopkins called “the grandeur of God” - whether you believe in God or not, the world certainly is grand. Or so I thought. It would appear that the hatred and elitism which humanity hoped to leave behind itself at the end of World War II still remains. Perhaps elitism, racism, the desire for national ideals (for that is where the term Nazi came from) are an ingrained human condition. I would hope, as I’m sure the majority of you do, that this is not the case. But while there are Nick Griffins and the BNP in this world, I’m not so sure.

Hatred breeds hatred. That is what Nick Griffin and his cohorts will continue to do unless people stand up and denounce them eloquently and effectively. Do not ignore the mistake you have made, Britain, but rectify it. Sadly, we have to wait 5 years to get these monsters out of office. By that time, who knows how many they will have recruited to their despicable cause. The fact that this cause still exists – and exists in other countries across Europe too – makes me weep for mankind’s inability to love one another. I mean that.

New Vlog Post: The Teenager June 4, 2009

Posted by bazmcstay in Arts, College, Ireland, Latest News, Vlog.
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Posted a new video blog on my Youtube channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/bazmcstay - which includes this poem below. You’ll notice the better quality. Visual and audio, not poetic quality. Thankfully, with my 24th birthday having recently passed on May 25th, I was able to invest in a brand spanking new Sony Handicam. My natural technophobia saw me hovering at the window of the shop for a good ten minutes before I plucked up the courage to take the plunge and buy it. It’s a great purchase however – from my point of view anyway, though you may protest at having further vloggery inflicted upon you. Shout out to Stephen Byrne (http://www.youtube.com/user/3sixty5days), who got me into this vlog business, and a major cyber-hug for him and his fellow-Leaving Cert victims who all had their English Paper 2 postponed from Thursday until Saturday, thanks to someone in a school in Drogheda handing out that instead of Paper 1 this morning. Maybe Bob Quick has found a new job - he’s that police chief from Britain who was snapped on camera carrying those confidential files into Number 10. Try having a go at being a dustman, Bob, you’ll find no one is interested in what you’re carrying around in that job!

Anyway, final exam approacheth on Friday. Wish me luck and hope you like the poem.

The Teenager

Surviving on one triangular meal a day

and the stress-free strains of candy-floss music,

the angry teenager is all lazy eyes,

a floating head trailing his neck behind him.

He’s nothing but wrong angles and skinny bones

and proceeding hairlines betray growing cracks

and it always pains him to say anything

but especially anything loud and clear.

Fuck knows, he’ll swear at anything but to nothing

and let you no farther than pockmarked-skin-deep.

He hides in a hoodie in a corner,

looks for a bolt-hole in his Nokia

and duck-dives beneath the waves of the iPod

but each eye that grazes him draws young blood,

sketching out in bright red lines like tube maps

the veins and arteries of a beating life.

He wears a faceful of macho make-up

but pens pretty poetry in the dark

in between wet dreams and dry, droughty spells.

He keeps the water-taps shut tight in public

but draws from the well and spills many a bucket

when the drop of a ball is the end of the world.

He can’t get away from huggy mummy and daddy

and he hates them for it, but when he cuts loose

he drops crumbs of homemade scones as he goes,

sprays his eyes over the forest floor for raisons.

He’ll do plenty of ageing during those teens –

like the name suggests, he’s always on the move –

and the pressure is there right from the word grow:

the world pushes in on his skull like a finger

pressing into marshmallow, puffs back out,

full of sugary notions and impressions.

He never fails to bounce back, rubber ball,

spring-loaded, always ill but best equipped,

never hitting bottom but always falling.

Shut it Sam! April 21, 2009

Posted by bazmcstay in Football, Latest News.
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I have a lot of time for Sam Allardyce, usually. I admired his work at Bolton to the point of utterly despairing of the fact that we had to face his team twice a season – they invariably had the measure of Liverpool for a couple of seasons. I felt he was harshly treated by both the board and fans of Newcastle United and that feeling that he was on a hiding to nothing filtered down to the players. He was not given enough of a chance to establish himself at that club. He has since moved on to Blackburn where, admittedly, he has struggled, although he will need to be given time and space there too. He’s obviously a thorough manager with a strong work ethic and commands strong respect from his teams.
However, Sam has got to stop acting like a spoilt little child. His Blackburn got roundly trounced by Liverpool a couple of weeks ago. Sam does not like Rafa Benitez. And so he threw a tantrum. He seized on something little and has tried to make a huge issue of it. I invite you to watch the video below:

Now, Big Sam claims that Rafael Benitez gestured to him, smirking, indicating that the game was over, no hope now that Blackburn had conceded their second goal. What Rafa says – and what seems far, FAR more likely, looking at the evidence – is that he was joking with his players who had scored a goal despite completely ignoring his instructions from the touchline. There is a “never mind”, a wry shrug about him. And Sam, he’s not even looking at you – that technical area at Anfield is small, and he’s clearly following the movement of the players on the pitch back to halfway.
Rafa Benitez has never let Liverpool Football Club down in his manner. He is someone who focuses entirely during matches, constantly barking orders to the team, gesturing and instructing. I think you would be hard pressed to find a clip of him even interacting with an opposition manager during a game. He has begun to relax a bit more on the touchline recently however, celebrating a crucial win at Fulham, cracking the occasional smile like this one. If Sam Allardyce paid more attention to the shambolic defence of his team, if he had tried sending a striker out against Liverpool instead of poor old Christopher Samba, perhaps he might not have had to witness the “insulting” joy of his opposite number enjoying a goal scored. If you don’t like someone Sam, fine. But you don’t have to lie to try and play the victim when you’ve simply been proven inadequate.

Update April 16, 2009

Posted by bazmcstay in Football, Latest News.
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As of 11:42 – nearly 24 hours after posting – my comment on Martin Kelner’s piece of misguided and uninformed vitriol in The Guardian has not been ratified and put on the comment board. The truth hurts, eh Martin?

We’ll Never Forget, You’ll Never Walk Alone April 16, 2009

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I am so proud of my football team, both for its displays onfield and off. Today marked the 20th Anniversary of the Hillsborough Disaster which claimed the lives of 96 Liverpool Football Club supporters at an FA Cup Semi Final on April 15th 1989. The memorial service at Anfield today was intensely moving – “You’ll Never Walk Alone” is a strongly emotive song on its own, but gains new poignancy when sung so passionately, so proudly in this context. There have been so many words written, both in sorrow and anger, commemorating the tragic incidents surrounding the events of that awful day, asking more questions than they answer. Mine are no greater than any of those already written. However, it is with regret that I direct you to this article by Martin Kelner in The Guardian.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/blog/2009/apr/13/hillsborough-disaster-liverpool-martin-kelner-bbc?commentpage=1&commentposted=1

I was so appalled by his attitude towards the will to remember Hillsborough, and especially by his ignorance of the unresolved matters surrounding the disaster that I felt compelled to reply to it. In this age of the web, letters to the editor are rather wasted, so I left a comment on the internet page. I have pasted the reply below. It is the ignorance of men like these, like Brian Clough who is being so celebrated right now yet who said “I will always remain convinced that those Liverpool fans who died were killed by Liverpool people” in the wake of the tragedy, like Kelvin MacKenzie who edited The Sun at the time and who published lies, fictions and slanders under the headline “THE TRUTH” simply to try sell newspapers, it is men like these who cause the misunderstanding about Hillsborough and who damn the memory of those who died. How dare they. Today is a day to remember those who died and to reinforce the need for Justice For The 96. You’ll Never Walk Alone.

I read this article while on a visit to England and felt compelled to make a comment, something I would never normally do. I found this utterly distasteful, a chance to have a go at the BBC and MOTD for doing what they HAD to do – commemorate Hillsborough – and then returning to what they are SUPPOSED to do – show football highlights. I second the comment below which points out that the words “crucial” and “vital” were within a completely different frame of reference to the type of “importance” Hansen and Stubbs mentioned. To criticise the panel for a joke about Hiddink’s accent is like criticising a funeral-goer for making a crack about the deceased: it happens, because we must always remember the dead, but not wallow. We try to go on as best we can. It was wholly appropriate to reflect on Hillsborough, it was a difficult subject and it is hardly voyeurism if someone is willing to share their grief in order to help us understand.
However, I take most issue with this paragraph:

Eh? The question might have been relevant 20 years ago, but we sort of know what happened after Hillsborough. The Taylor Report led to all-seater stadiums, people not getting crushed on terraces, the Premier League, prawn sandwiches, and poor people being priced out of live matches. And obviously those responsible for the hideous policing errors that contributed to the tragedy were prosecuted to the full extent of the law, or were retired on full pension and advised to keep very schtum indeed. I cannot quite remember.

We DO NOT know what happened after Hillsborough given that the final chapter has not been written. There has never been a full official apology for the police’s behaviour before, during and after the disaster. The original inquest into the deaths gave a verdict of “accidental death”, only examining the evidence up to 3:15, not taking into account the police reactions such as obstructing people carrying the injured from the scene.
 
However, most damning of all is your total ignorance of the legal issues. Those responsible for the hideous policing errors have NEVER been prosecuted to the full extent of the law. David Duckenfield, the Chief Superintendent on duty, and another officer, Bernard Murray, saw the private prosecution against them abandoned when Duckenfield was deemed medically unfit to face trial. He then retired with his full police pension. It became clear during the trial that several officers had lied, including Duckenfield. Duckenfield had backed up the stories which were leaked from within South Yorkshire police and used in the infamous <i>Sun</i> articles about the tragedy. Utter lies for which they – and Kelvin MacKenzie – have never apologised. Another officer, Norman Bettison, who was one of several to manipulate his evidence, later was appointed Chief Constable of Merseyside.

To flippantly dismiss all this as you did, to display your paltry knowledge of the events surrounding the Hillsborough disaster and afterwards, to use the memorials of the events to attack the BBC – that is distasteful, cynical and insensitive. It is this sort of ignorance which the Justice For The 96 and other campaigns continue to fight against. I live in Ireland, I was just 4 when Hillsborough occurred yet, as a Liverpool fan, it is a deeply distressing subject. If you want to write about something like this, you would do well to do your research properly, not simply allow yourself to “not quite remember” when this is the time everyone should be remembering.

April Fools And All That April 1, 2009

Posted by bazmcstay in Human Nature, Latest News.
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I have to admit, the April Fool Skeptic in me had to do some serious Googling to confirm a few stories: This Conficker worm – never heard of it, and the BBC report had a picture of an actual can of worms, further raising my suspicions, but seems like it’s the real thing, burrowing away inside my machine right now for all I know. Meanwhile, up in that hub of all-year-round fools, St. James’ Park, the appointment of Alan Shearer as manager for the rest of the season just fell on the wrong day for it to be taken at face value. Is it all one big joke? Should they really have appointed Alan Sugar to fire some of their underperforming players? And hats off to the Irish Times for yet again managing to find an anagram for the words APRIL FOOL - FailProof is the name of the American company which the Irish government is supposedly in talks with to manufacture monitoring tags for ”high net worth” tax exiles. Actually, that one isn’t such a bad idea…

Anyway, all this April Fooling becomes a bit tedious, especially when EVERYONE is at it now. A plethora of football teams have claimed to be rebranding, notably Port Vale, who have a new logo remarkably similar to rivals Stoke. The Guardian announced it is to become a Twitter-only service in its ongoing arse-clenchingly pompous and overbearingly smug campaign against a modern form of interaction and networking which it has decided is the greatest social ill the world is currently facing – could they not just pick on migrants like the Express? Miss Universe spent a relaxing 5 days in Guantanamo Bay according to the Independent, BBC Radio 4 had some story about a doughnut-eating gorilla and the Telegraph announced that a new power source for Britain could come from the electricity generated by fish swimming in rivers – according to research from experts in the ”Université de Poisson d’Avril in Paris”. Well done whoever you are in the Telegraph who speaks French and knows their phrase for April Fool.

The thing about today is, of course, that you get suspicious of EVERY story. The Shearer one is a prime example. Apparently Djibril Cisse was arrested outside a lap-dancing bar yesterday – he’s a fool if ever there was one. I genuinely had my reservations about Botox being cited as a treatment for depression (still do, to be honest) until I saw it in two separate sources. Everywhere you look, you see the potential follow-up to the “Dual Carriageway Through Phoenix Park” hoax which RTE’s Mooney programme carried off so brilliantly last year.

April Fools can be funny, can raise a smile, but it wears a bit thin when, as I mentioned, everyone is doing it. And just for the sake of it. If there’s going to be an April Fool’s story, could you at least put some effort in? The Guardian offering is as pathetic as they come. The best practical jokes are those which the victim can look back on and admit to a certain degree of admiration at the planning, committment and execution – I once hid for over an hour in a wardrobe in order to scare a family member. Not exactly Ocean’s 11-esque planning, but the total focus on the goal made it worthwhile.

As for me, well, I’m not feeling all that well. I’ve retired to bed for the day. I will shortly be tested for rabies before being sent to a leper colony on Uranus where I will be the 1 millionth arrival to the planet and thus heralded as the Messiah by all the other sick and deformed inhabitants.

Gotcha. Now, if only Ireland could trick Italy into thinking we’re better than them at football…

Daylight Savings And Earth Hour March 28, 2009

Posted by bazmcstay in Human Nature, Ireland, Latest News.
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For those of you who aren’t sure, yes, we lose an hour at 1am on Sunday. Sorry folks. Yes, I know, it’s a pain. I have an essay to complete and one less hour in which to complete it. At least you have a heads-up. I got a mildly panicky text from a friend of mine, Ciaran, three full weeks ago in which he expressed his shock over the fact that the clocks were to go forward that night. I toyed with the notion of letting him live his life an hour ahead of the rest of us for a few days before sense prevailed and I reassured him that it was not until the end of March. So, tonight’s the night, let us all moan about our sleep-deprived existences for the next week.

Another, more welcome, heads-up: Today sees the second annual Earth Hour taking place. Homes and businesses all across the world are turning their lights down or off, switching off the tv and computer and generally saving huge amounts on their electricity bills, in an effort to demonstrate the massive waste caused by negligient electricity use and the increasing effects of light pollution. It is a cause of constant disgust for me when, walking home at night, I pass shops and offices which are clearly empty for the night yet which leave lights on. There is an Esat office block down by Grand Canal Dock, near Spin 103, which ALWAYS has its entire lighting rig lit – they are one of many. It’s simply not good enough.

People may mock the whole green approach to daily living but there is a serious point here. I go around turning lights off in my house after my brother because they don’t need to be on, pure and simple. Not only is it bad for the environment but it’s a total waste of money. If this second reason is the one which people will react to, so be it, whatever it takes to get this message across. Some lazy and selfish individuals will yawn, stretch, flick on another light switch, leave the fridge open and say “Well, I’m not going to be around when the world falls apart anyway”. Well, you know what? At the rate we’re disposing of our natural resources, that planetary collapse is coming sooner than you think.

dum-Dum-DUM!

Scare-mongering over. One hour. That’s all. Just turn the fecking light off.

Click.

A Moment Of National Crisis March 27, 2009

Posted by bazmcstay in Ireland, Latest News, Politics.
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http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=61052337940

The above is the link to one of at least 3 Facebook groups calling for the Gardaí and Irish Government to leave Conor Casby alone. Casby is the guerilla artist who, last week, placed unofficial nude caricatures of the Taoiseach, Brian Cowen on the walls of the National Gallery of Ireland and the RHA. The goverment forced RTE to apologise for their coverage of the story – and the opposition parties were then prevented from raising the issue in the Dáil - while the Gardaí were directed to find the artist responsible, leading them to demand his contact details from Today FM’s Ray Darcy Show – he had been in contact with the show and Gardaí questioned the station over its coverage of the issue. Casby presented himself voluntarily to Pearse Street Garda Station and, it seems, he is unlikely to be charged. His alleged crimes, apparently, the source of all this furore, are criminal damage, indecency and incitement to hatred.

Criminal Damage?! Hammering a nail into a wall?! Indecency?! In an art gallery chock full of nudes, in a modern world where Victoria’s Secret and Wonderbra can advertise freely?! Incitement to hatred?! In the name of all that is sacred, what the shitting bollocks tit is that supposed to mean?!?! Apologies for the profanity, but this story has really made me very angry (Oh really Barry? says you). One of the great gifts Irish people have is a great sense of humour and the country has a fine tradition of political satire. From Hall’s Pictorial Weekly to Scrap Saturday, Bull Island to Newstalk’s The Emergency, Irish people have laughed at our politicians for decades. I imagine Mr. Cowen would raise a belly-laugh rather than a witch-hunt were he in opposition and Enda Kenny was the focus of ridicule. What is more, Martyn Turner daily publishes caricatures poking fun at the political life of this country, yet there is no sign of a police investigation. If Conor Casby’s actions are incitement to hatred, then Martyn Turner has been getting away with it for years.

The world economy is in a slump, Irish people are losing their jobs at a level not seen for a long time, the outlook for the next twelve months is grim and the upcoming emergency budget is set to be a harsh one. The government are bound to be unpopular, sorry, but it’s a reality you face in times like these. What could have been a funny footnote in our Sunday papers has been allowed to snowball. When it would have been best – and, perhaps, most endearing - of Fianna Fáil and Brian Cowen to laugh along with the joke (you know, some witty joke about it being the only time he would be caught with his pants down), they flew off the handle. Michael Kennedy called upon Cathal Goan, Director General of RTE, to consider his position. Fianna Fáil ordered an apology. John O’Donohue, the Ceann Comhairle (speaker of the house), refused to let the issue be discussed when the opposition wanted to raise it. The Gardaí raided an independent radio station. Honestly, as someone pointed out on Facebook, if they had been this swift to knock on the doors of the banks, perhaps we would be in a better mood as a country. As it is, this is a funny story and the government has really had a sense of humour failure. If they can’t laugh at themselves, I can only imagine how frowny they get when they look at our national finances.

For God’s sake, lighten up. Even I find this particular piece of toilet humour funny.

PS: The Times Online tells me no nails were used. So, one less crime committed. They might commute his sentence from the death penalty to life in prison so.