My younger brother decided he didn’t like Christmas this year. He’s 22, so it’s not a youngster having a tantrum. Well…
Now, while he objects to SOME aspects of Christmas, he retains a certain love of others. He is nothing if not a gourmand (get out the Roget’s, Killian) and so is organising his own Christmas dinner this Sunday. Full turkey and all. I dread to think how he intends to cook it aided by his posse of mates - that’s an episode of “Friends” waiting to happen. And he doesn’t object to the drip-feed of Father Ted episodes and “Michael Collins: The Movie”.
So what doesn’t he like? He doesn’t like the drain on his finances. Or the gladhanding of relatives. Or the general cheery nature of everyone else when he’s busy trying to be grumpy. And he doesn’t want a Christmas tree. “They stink the place out. They shed everywhere. They’re a health hazard. They’re tacky. They mean nothing.” These are some of the excuses he came up with, as well as claiming that HE would have to clean up after it.
So, naturally I went out and bought a tree today and erected and decorated it while he was out. Ambushed by seasonal goodwill. I decked the bows stealthily. But I considered his poor clean-freakiness: It’s a fake from Marks and Spencers. Regard! It’s a week until the big day and I am OFFICIALLY EXCITED!!!
Oh Christmas Tree! The halls are officially decked and we're a week from the big day.
There is nothing quite so mournful as the sight I witnessed today: Two middle-aged women on an otherwise empty merry-go-round at a rained-out Christmas market.
In other news, I finished my Christmas shopping, FINALLY. I got a lot done earlier this month thanks in the large part to the fact that I have three family birthdays in the space of six days around the turn of November into December. As a result, while shopping for those presents, I picked up several of the necessary Yuletide offerings. However, they weren’t enough.
I was foolhardy enough to think “That will do”, only to get closer to the 25th and realise that, if I were the people getting these gifts, I’d expect slightly more of my son / brother / wombat-groomer. And so today was spent traipsing about the city in search of the killer gift. It’s a soul-destroying experience at times.
Shopping centres are so much more structured, everything is laid out for you and you don’t have to walk out into the rain after every failed shop exploration. But in a city, you are left roaming the streets like some sort of scavenging wolf, snarling at every window before remembering that Mum already has a collander and is unlikely to expect nor appreciate one as a gift this Christmas or, indeed, ever.
Nevertheless, I conquered this. I conquered the man who bumped into me without apologising. I conquered the inevitable haggle over the price of a tie. I conquered the malfunctioning / empty debit card. I conquered my own personal fear of shopping for ANY female, family member or otherwise. And I wasted some of my own money on stuff I didn’t need but decided to treat myself to. What in the name of all that is frivolous do I need with a suede harpsichord?
Comedy post yesterday. Serious post today. Or, rather, a kind of lazy one. I’m currently filming an audition tape for a TV presenting job meaning I have very little time to write something very insightful. So maybe a personal update would be best. The TV presenting thing is a result of a course I’m just about to complete in the Bil Keating Centre in Milltown, Dublin 6. It has given me some great skills for working in the world of television not to mention a great boost to my confidence. It seems I have a new string to my bow! Aside from the acting, people have been most kind in telling me that they think I’d suit a job in presenting. Now, if only they could tell my prospective employers that!
That aside, I had a great time in England and Wales during the week. North Wales is a stunning part of the world, full of rugged mountains, rolling hills, rushing rivers and tumbling waterfalls. I took some great photos and have some wonderful video-camera footage too which I’ve been editing together. You realise how much you miss nature during trips like that. Trapped in the concrete jungle of Dublin, it was liberating to escape to a little slice of heaven. The air was so fresh, the stars so clear and the company so lovely that I found it hard facing up to coming home again. Oh well, needs must. I must get back away to my filming now, missing the final of “The X-Factor” in aid of my professional livelihood. Oh well…it’s not the end of the world. Though some people would have you believe it was. My money was on Joe, by the way.
Hmm. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: People google the strangest things. The title for this post is actually one of the search terms which led people to my blog. I’m more perturbed again by those who enter “photos of small children” or “rob kearney naked for charity” but this particular term, hording its many exclamation marks, caught my eye. It made me think. It has been over a year now since I began this blog and just yesterday I passed the 4,000 view mark. Is THAT a shame on mankind – sorry, THE mankind? Have you nothing better to read? There are libraries out there chock-full of great works of literature, bookshops brimming with Booker Prize winners and Nobel Laureates, dammit, even the back of cereal boxes have quite well-worded sentences.
But you come here. And for that I am most grateful.
Anyway, I thought of what I could do to mark the passing of the 4,000 mark, and I decided that, rather than being conscientious and continuing my writings about Africa (WHICH WILL BE COMPLETED, HONEST!), I would cop out and do a list-based entry. One of the first posts I ever wrote was about beautiful moments, and it was a list of 15 or 20 things that make me smile. Naturally, a list of things that make me froth at the mouth and bulge at the temple with rage would be many times longer. So, inspired by the exclamatory shaming of mankind by whoever-you-are (I think we shall call you Leonard, just for fun), I will just list the 100 things for which I think mankind has most to answer (I initially said 50 before realising exactly how many stupid / irritating / shit things mankind has come up with). Thanks Leonard. Of the 4,000 people who’ve visited this blog, you are definitely my favourite. Or at least, you’re the one with the most punctuation.
MANKIND’S SHAMEFUL 100 (In no particular order, although Simon Cowell may well be number 1 in any ACTUAL order).
Simon Cowell
Marmite
Weightlifting
The Sun (newspaper, not celestial body)
Penis Enlargement Spam
People who do your accent back to you because they think you sound funny.
Juicy Couture
Cigarettes
Cigarette burns
Sarah Palin / George W. Bush (Same person, different sex)
Rap Music (I think it’s missing an E)
Legwarmers
Actually, the 80s in general
The Twilight Series (They all look like heroin addicts. Hot heroin addicts.)
LOL-ing
Designer stubble
Sweet Popcorn
Facebook Chat
Scientology
Tom Cruise (Hmm, wonder why HE came into my head…)
Ryanair
Tuna
Bad Drivers (Especially those who don’t indicate before turning or who beep as a substitute for shouting at you!)
Deadlines
The Cult Of Celebrity
Unsolicited Garnishes (Sprigs of cress or, the worst, coleslaw)
Eddie Murphy Films
Cocktails With Names Designed To Make Hen Parties Scream With Laughter (e.g.: Screaming Orgasm)
American Football
2 Girls 1 Cup
Bryan Adams
Saying The Word “Like”, All The Time, Like. (And I was like “No way!”, and she was, like, SO angry.)
Urinals Above Standard Height
Idolising Wordsworth’s Poetry (Don’t like his stuff, hence thinking his name is rather misleading)
Ignoring Poetry (Except Wordsworth’s…)
Big Brother
Girls Who Wear Ugg Boots With Short Skirts And Call It Fashion
The Phrase “I’m Not Racist, But…”
FIFA
Hiding The Electric Car Where No One Can Find It
Postal Strikes
Air Strikes
GPS
People Who Comment On Youtube With Hateful Bile Or Too Many Exclamation Marks (You listening, Leonard?)
Surreptitious Mushrooms In Dishes Where No Mushrooms Are SPECIFICALLY Highlighted On The Menu
World Of Warcraft
The Hash (#) Symbol On Phones (I don’t know anyone who has # in their phone number)
Ant And Dec
ATMs Which Don’t Provide Tenners
The “Serving Suggestion” Notice On The Front Of Food Boxes / TV Ads For Food
Charity Muggers
TV Aerials / Dishes
1st Generation iPods Which Died After About 3 Months
Incongruous Skyscrapers
Feng Shui (As practiced by middle-class Western mothers who saw something about it in a magazine once)
The Birdie Song
Aldi / Lidl
Day-Glo
Sandra Bullock’s Career
Drunk Karaoke
The Ringtone Industry
Lord Of The Rings Fans
Barbie
Killing The Dodo (They look like they’d have been SUCH fun birds to have around)
Milk Of Magnesia
Lycra
Pirates (The modern ones with guns and outboard motors, not the cool 18th century ones with cutlasses)
Starbucks
Duchamp’s Fountain (It’s a fucking urinal you found, it’s not art and your replicas simply capitalised on notoriety for financial gain)
Self-Help Books With The Number Of Steps In The Journey To Perfection In The Title
Clothes For Pets
Blow-Up Dolls
Christian Rock (That’s the music, not a person)
Sky / Fox News
Paisley (The modern use of the pattern, not the place nor the Reverand Doctor)
Line-dancing
Bestiality Porn
Tetra-pak Easy Pour Spouts (LIES!)
Bastardised Irish Names (Caitlin, Neve, Owen, Shawn, Ashleen, Kaden, ERIN!…)
Alcopops
Fish Knives
Dan Brown
Psychics / Mediums
Interior Design Programmes
Disneyland / World / Location
Novelty Doorbells
The Word “Bodacious”
Genital Piercings
People’s Names Tattooed In Eastern Alphabets They Don’t Understand
Most Customer Service Helplines (*cough…NTL…cough. Actually, fuck the coughing. NT-COCKING-L!)
Estuary English
Katie Price’s Tits / Existence
Bingo
Late Night Television Phone-In Quizzes
Formula 1 Motorsport
Deck Chair Rental
Pet Rocks
Muzak
Caravan Parks
Hitler
Thought I’d end on a light-hearted note. HAPPY MY 4,000th VIEW EVERYONE!
Right now, my life is undergoing a fairly large upheaval. Well, several large upheavals. Each one would probably require its own individual blog post. In fact, each one would need its own website. Life outside the bubble of college is quite different to the micro-climate within it. I pierced the bubble back in June of this year, it collapsed and rained down around me in glittering rainbow shards, leaving me standing, blinking, open to the sky. Rather than being encased in the bubble, now I have to blow them for myself…
So, I have reached London after my trip to Paris, and have had the pleasure of making a video with a PROPER Youtube star, Gary Caplehorne of CheekTV and his purple puppet (not a euphemism), Cheeky - www.youtube.com/cheektv . Gary and Cheeky have also just been nominated for a Youtube Award by www.youtube.com/daveyboyz so do vote for them! And enjoy the video, I certainly enjoyed making it.
I’m very bad at updating, especially when I promise an update! The latest Africa post took a LONG time to write, mainly due to its massive word count and me being in Edinburgh for the last 5 days. It’s up now though and I’ll try be better in future. I had a great time in Edinburgh, and will have a post about that, and another about the wonderous Usain Bolt but they may take time while I work on the Africa ones. Anyway, just so you all know I’m alive, thinking hard and very sorry!
Well, I’ve just arrived back in Bujumbura, Burundi, after 4 days in Bukavu, Democratic Republic of Congo. That was a difficult place, dirty, poverty-stricken and makes Buj look like heaven. I’ve been taking photos, working on a travel diary and promise I’ll do a day-by-day, blow-by-blow account here when I get home and have time to properly write things out. For now, I’m still alive, things are going well but can’t wait to get home too. Visit my Youtube channel – bazmcstay - for the pre-Africa packing video. All the best for now and Amani (Peace).
This videa of a compilation of clips from a barbeque hosted by my friend Brian’s father, Ray Martin (hence Ray-B-Que) – something of an annual event for my group of college mates. Yesterday we gathered to celebrate 4 years worth of friendship as many of us are now finished college and venturing into the adult world of employment – or unemployment, as the case may be for many of us Arts graduates. Days like yesterday become fewer and farther between as years pass and life gets busier and more unstoppable. It was a huge joy to stop for a few hours and spend time laughing and dancing and sharing life’s joys with some of my favourite people. Thank you to them and everyone else who has made my 4 years in college unforgettable. Hope the video makes some of you smile.
Not content with merely telling you what I do in my own life, I’ve now decided to try and tell you about what imaginary Barry gets up to. Yes, that’s right. I’m doing comedy sketches now. Oh God, when will it end?! Well, here’s where it starts anyway. I’m calling the series “Sketchy Characters” and this is the first video. Hopefully you’ll like it. If you do, spread the word. If you don’t, spread the word nonetheless against your better judgement. They’re all going to be posted to my youtube: http://www.youtube.com/user/bazmcstay
Connacht 19 Worcester 7:Connacht continue to stamp their authority on Pool 2 of the Amlin Challenge Cup after tonight’s deserved 19-7 win over Worcester Warriors at the Sportsground.
Soccer:Tottenham boss Harry Redknapp is set to punish players involved in a Christmas party organised behind his back last week and Robbie Keane’s role as skipper could be under scrutiny.
A convicted arsonist has been found guilty by a Central Criminal Court jury ofraping a nine-year-old girl twice on a beach and orally raping her in a Dublin house16 years ago.
World leaders have agreed a "meaningful agreement" on climate change, which aims to hold temperature increases to two degrees Celsius, but have also admitted it is not sufficient to curb global warming, a senior US official has said.
